It was the year 2000. I was on the cusp of the biggest life change I would experience to date, but didn’t yet know it.
I was preparing for what was to come.
I was bracing myself for change and getting ready as best as I knew how. I was trying to finish up my Masters degree, we were looking to buy and make the move into our first home, I was wrapping up a business I ran, and the hardest part of all, I was waiting.
Sitting on the cusp of change is an uncomfortable place, for me. Relaxing into the unknown, near impossible.
As I stared down at my ever growing belly and tried to imagine life with a baby I felt so excited and so scared at the same time. I was not sure I would manage. My friends did not have children and I had no idea how to juggle the life I was currently living with the life that was only months away, but that was the least of it. I was so scared of being vulnerable and dependent and having to ask for help. I felt constantly threatened by the words of warning from well meaning strangers that continued to reinforce that despite what I thought this would feel like, I had no idea.
For the first time in my life I could not step sideways, and sideways was my comfortable alternative route.
Sideways took me close to where I wanted to be heading, but never quite got me there, yet it was what I had settled for on too many occasions so as not to have to face my fears head on. At last I was beginning to tackle what was sitting just under the surface. My fear and anxiety had kept me stuck and immobilised for so long and here I was having to move forward, despite the unpreparedness.
I didn’t know anyone with a baby. I felt I was navigating this journey blind. I felt so open to judgement and criticism and the person who was my harshest critic was working her way deep into my psyche, me.
I am now the mother of two beautiful children who have made my life so much better in every single way. I have come to know the deepest love and purest joy in those depths of vulnerability, My early days of mothering were indeed filled with so much uncertainty and I still fear failing my children, but motherhood has also presented me with the single greatest opportunity to grow and learn, and overcome. What I was previously unable to do for myself I am more than willing to do for my children. I can no longer take a neat sideways step when decisions become difficult and things get challenging. My love for them has taught me how to love myself, and my children have taught me so much more about life than I will ever be able to teach them.
Tackling fear and anxiety is an ongoing process. I have to be ever mindful about it but the rewards have been no less than life-changing. Choosing to live in the love instead of in fear, has meant that I am free. I have come to learn what true happiness is, and I want to share all of it…..with you.
The Playground Add-Venture Workshops are my opportunity to give it all to you. They are a little parcel of all that I have learned and passed on to my private clients. An afternoon of connection, contemplation and fun. It is our chance to explore the things that may be holding you back in your own life – the things that may keep you awake at night or prevent you from feeling fully alive.
”This workshop reminded me that i need to do things like this more often. The yoga was so relaxing and the art was fantastic. It was a great way to spend an afternoon clarifying priorities. Michelle is unreal!” – Rahnee Karge
We will move gently and mindfully, we will create playfully and intuitively and you will discover. All of this in service of something much bigger – YOUR JOY AND HAPPINESS.
More about the workshop here. It happens on Sunday, April 19th, 2015.
I look forward to meeting you there.